Week Three: Most Memorable Year!

The week where we get to remind ourselves that celebrities are just people like us! Only with a lot more money…and a lot more friends…and better hair…

This Week’s Lineup:

1.Ginger and Val- Contemporary

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First let’s just talk about the song. Normally the singers don’t bother me much but the singer of this song has a particularly heinous sounding voice. That being said, this dance was fine. I’m not sure there was a whole lot of actual contemporary in it. Mostly just acting and lifting, but Ginger did a great job. The ending was supposed to give us the feels but it felt a little contrived to me.

-Does it get any more real than having your baby crying on national television? 

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score: 6, A 10 for whoever made that RHINESTONED BABY CARRIER! Is that for real?!!

2. Doug and Karina- Waltz


Can we please just have Rihanna sing every song? Doug Flutie’s video package made me want to cry. I mean how do you give any bad critiques about a man dancing for his dead parents? Well unfortunately the emotion of the dance didn’t overpower the poor dancing. Yes, Doug has got the sunburst arms DOWN, and Karina made sure to put in as many as she could to fill the time. Unfortunately he still looked like he had just grown legs and was learning how to walk for the first time. 

If dance were easier then it would be called football, eh Doug?

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 5 – Yes, I have a heart of stone 

3. Kim and Sasha- Foxtrot


Maybe you need to be a Facts of Life fan to get this number. It was cute. The costume was terrible, but Kim always does a great job performing and she has great posture. There were some actual foxtrot steps being done but the timing of the steps were way off. That being said, it was a cute number but highly forgettable by the end of the night.

-Was it really choreographed to end cuddling on the couch or did they forget it wasn’t dress rehearsal? 

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 7

My Score: 7 – A 2 to whoever couldn’t find a way to put more rhinestones on that costume. 

4. Von and Witney- Contemporary?

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Let’s be honest. What did Von even do in this dance? He walked around and then did some signature Sonya Tayeh lifts. Can we start calling this genre dalking? A hybrid of walking that involves some reaches into the distance? I’m a Von fan but this week’s routine didn’t do anything for me.

-At least they kept his shirt off..am I right ladies? 

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 6 

5. Marla and Tony- Jive


Now I’ve always said that jive is easily the hardest dance to look coordinated in when you are a non dancer. I thought Marla did a good job of keeping up with her feet and she was trying to get that recoil action in there so she gets points for effort. Unfortunately Tony thought it was a good idea to include some butt spanking in the dance like that’s a viable choreography option. Really?

-Nothing like watching your mom get spanked on national television 

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score 7- The score that says- not terrible, but definitely not good. 

6. Antonio and Sharna- Foxtrot

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Okay, the suit was terrible and Antonio’s frame left something to be desired, but I still liked this routine. They were actually doing some real foxtrot feather steps and even though Antonio walks like an elephant, I could see the effort behind all the steps. Something about seeing a big, strong guy put all he has into the foxtrot makes me melt a little inside.

-This song is now my jam. 

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score 7 – We seem to be in a slump this week 

7. Paige and Mark- Paso Doble

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I’m all about the creative staging and camera work but there’s no way that dance was fun for the audience to watch. Could they even see them in the cage? Also, there was maybe like one paso doble step in the whole dance. It was a fight dance. It happened to be a very good fight dance though so nobody cared. I have a hard time believing Paige hasn’t had serious dance experience because of how good her battements were in this number. Paige looks like she would be good at everything she does. That last punch was terrifying.

-Don’t be a bully because your victims will grow up to become professional cage fighters and murder you

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 8

My Score: 8 – How do you be so good Paige? 

8. Jodie and Keo- Foxtrot

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I get it Jodie, Fuller House pulled me out of my depression too. I actually really liked this number. I thought she hit some great lines and her frame was pretty phenomenal for someone with no dance background. Keo needs to work on his choreography a little bit. He is either doing strictly ballroom steps or he is standing and making hand gestures. Someone needs to help him out before Jodie falls behind because of it.

– Just because the song says rise up doesn’t mean you have to repeatedly rise up. We get it.

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 8

My Score: 8

9. Mischa & Artem- Samba

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I wish I could give Mischa a break but I mean come on, how hard is it to be famous? It must really suck having tons of money and everyone wanting to be your friend. From the video packages it looks like she spends the majority of her day complaining and not practicing which makes sense because this dance was terrible. A samba with no hip action and no timing. The judges were really nice I think because they knew she was going home. Because no, it didn’t look like she was having more fun. She still looked like she wanted to murder her agent for making her do the show.

Mischa doesn’t have RBF, she has RFF (Resting Furious Face) 

Judges Scores: 6, 6, 6 – Obviously a consolation prize 

My Score: 5 – That’s me being generous 

10. Wanya and Lindsay- Waltz

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The Star Spangled Banner was just not meant to be danced to. Not a good song choice but luckily Linsday is incredibly talented and managed to pull off a good routine despite the song choice. Wanya didn’t look super confident in the beginning of the dance but he seemed to find his stride halfway through. In the end there wasn’t a lot of waltz steps but they both did a great job. I love that Wanya takes every dance seriously, he’s one of my faves for sure.

– Who likes to listen to the sound of their own voice, let alone dance to it? 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8 – I’d give it a 10 if nobody ever dances to the national anthem ever again

11. Nyle and Peta- Tango

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Did anybody get the ending where she just kinda held his head before walking back? Did I miss something. I’m a big Nyle fan. Not only is he an Adonis but he seems to have some moves. That being said, this was not my favorite routine. Something about the way he was walking made him look like he had on invisible swim flippers. It was more like running across the stage in frame than anything actually tango. Still a Nyle fan, but this number did nothing for me.

-Why have the chair if you don’t ever dance with it?

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 9

My Score: 8

This week’s rankings by Dance Critic:

  1. Paige

  2. Wanya

  3. Jodie

  4. Nyle

  5. Antonio

  6. Kim

  7. Marla

  8. Ginger

  9. Von

  10. Doug

What did you think of this week’s episode?




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