Week Two: Latin Night!

Let’s just start with the opening number. It’s latin night people. You’ve got professional latin dancers so why not let them actually do some LATIN dancing? The routine might have had a couple new yorkers and some bachacatas but it was mostly booty shaking and hairography. I get it, give the people what they want…but I’m pretty sure even a wide uninformed audience could have appreciated a little more authentic latin dancing. I did love the costumes, even though they were a little bit on the skimpy side.

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This Week’s Lineup:

1.Jodie & Keo- Samba

“Burn Up The Dance”


Did anyone else notice the Macarena in the beginning? It happened. Keo is famous for choreographing boring dances but this routine was actually okay. The flames definitely helped. Also Jodie Sweetin rocked that gold dress! There was a lot of samba content but not a whole lot of hip action or bounce going on. Jodie performed well though so it was still fun to watch. Nobody will probably remember this routine by the end of the night.

-Is it a rule that they always have to run down the stairs?  

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score: 7 – The “meh” score

2. Marla & Tony- Argentine Tango

“Don’t” – Ed Sheeran

Marla & Tony wk02 - 2

Dancing on a chair already has stripper connotations without adding crotch shots to it. Seriously, why do people think that’s an okay thing to do while straddling a chair on national television? And no, it has nothing to do with the Argentine tango. I’m pretty sure this dance might have offended all of Argentina with one move. That aside, this number was average. It wasn’t an interesting dance and Marla was very stiff and had no expression the entire dance. Also the song choice was just bad. I thought this was latin night. We can’t find any Argentine tangos with a latin sounding rhythm?

-If I give up meat and dairy and everything good, will I look like Marla when I’m 52? 

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 6 

3. Geraldo & Edyta- Salsa

“Ran Kan Kan” by Tito Puente


Oh Geraldo. Unfortunately your Puerto Rican blood couldn’t help you out this week. I’m sure Geraldo is a very nice guy but he just can’t dance. Let’s be real, he did nothing in this routine. And he even managed to forget half the routine while doing nothing. Poor Edyta just kept swimming like a champ but there was just no saving that routine.

-Bye Felicia 

Judges Scores: 5, 4, 4 –Judges got some boos but they were being generous

My Score: 3

4. Paige & Mark- Salsa (but not really Mark)

“Vem Dancar Kuduro”


Paige is just awesome. She rocked it this week. I’m not sure there were a whole lot of salsa moves in there but I mostly didn’t care because she was killing it. Yes, her shoulders ride up and make her look like she has no neck, but she will definitely make the top two. Anyone who says differently is wrong or lying.

-It takes a very secure man to wear a bright pink unbuttoned shirt. Props to you man.

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 9 

**Nothing is better than this moment where Paige looks at Mark like he is being a wimp.

-Rub some dirt on it.

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5. Antonio & Sharna- Rumba

“Adorn” by Cole Rosbury


Wait, that was rumba? I know I saw Sharna throwing out a few rumba walks every once in a while, but did Antonio even do one rumba step? No. He definitely did not. Come on Sharna. Where’s the hockey sticks and sliding doors? He walked around the stage and did some sun bursts. Don’t believe me? Watch the routine again and only watch Antonio. He does NOTHING! Sharna is a ballroom goddess so she blinded the audience into thinking Antonio did a good job. He didn’t.

All the talk about blood flow…keep it PG Antonio #wereallydidntneedtoknow

Judges Scores: 6, 6, 7

My Score: 5 –Seriously guys…he did nothing. 

6. Kim & Sasha- Salsa

“Conga” by Gloria Estefan


I actually really liked this routine! A lot of great salsa content and Kim was crushing it! They usually give the older contestants slower, watered down pansy routines but she was doing some difficult steps. It was all good until the end when things started going downhill fast. I really hope it was a mistake and that the routine wasn’t supposed to end so awkwardly.

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 6

My Score: 7 –Come on judges, people make mistakes 

7. Nyle & Peta- Rumba

“Stole The Show” Parson James


Was this routine like 10 seconds long? It started off looking like a rumba and then morphed into this hybrid generic ballroom moves with lots of reaches. That being said, I thought Nyle did a phenomenal job with what he was given. He took a whole lot of heels leads which makes me cringe, but he knows how to use his legs, which is pretty rare for most tall men. I’m still a Nyle fan but I wish Peta would have given him some actual rumba steps to pick up.

-Begging for some rumba walks!

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 7 

8. Mischa & Artem- Cha Cha

“Pata Pata” by Miriam Makeba


How in the world couldn’t they find a guy taller than Mischa to be her partner? It’s no wonder the poor girl looks like she wants to cry at all times. Maybe that’s why she is constantly complaining about everything. If you look up “Doesn’t Want To Be Here” in the dictionary then you will find a link to this routine. It was beyond terrible. Mischa is not only uncoordinated but she also has no basic rhythm. How bored did she look at the start of their routine?! You’re an actress Mischa!!! You seriously can’t even pretend to be happy?!

I have never cringed so much in my life 

Judges Scores: 5, 5, 5

My Score: 4 –At least you scored higher than Geraldo 

9. Von & Witney- Cha Cha

“Ain’t Too Cool” by Lunchmoney Lewis


This was a fun routine and I’m a Von fan. But not the kind of fan that thinks he is the best dancer, mostly the kind of fan that wants to watch the Bachelor together. Von did a couple very sloppy new yorkers but he did very little cha cha besides that. Or maybe he did and I just couldn’t tell because his timing was way off. Von was a little too cool to dance in this routine.

-Nothing like grinding up on someone you just met. If only life were like these routines…

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 6 –You gotta break on the 2 buddy

10. Wanya & Lindsay -Salsa

“Echa Pa’lla” by Pitbull


LOVED this number! Super fun, super energetic, and just downright good. You know it’s a good dance when you want to be up there doing it with them. It is impossible to not smile when you watch Wanya shimmy! Wanya did an awesome job and looked like he was actually leading his partner! Which is rare for the male celebrities on this show if you haven’t noticed.

-Seriously though, I need more Wanya shimmy in my life #myspiritdancemove

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 9 – They were ROBBED!

11. Doug & Karina -Paso Doble

“Buster Voodoo” by Rodrigo y Gabriela


They found a dance that Doug doesn’t look terrible in, but did he ever get his hips forward in true paso doble form? No. He mostly just marched around the stage. Granted it was much better than last week, but still not good. I can’t say much about this routine because there really wasn’t much to this routine.

-Nice try Karina, better luck next partner 

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 7

My Score: 6 

12. Ginger & Val -Samba

“Sorry (Latino remix)” by Justin Bieber


Finally some latin dancing! Thank you Val for giving us some latin content to judge on LATIN night! Samba walks, and pivots, and all the good stuff we love about samba. It’s too bad that Ginger kept her weight too high and was off balance the whole routine because it might have actually been a good routine otherwise. And can we talk about those costumes? I have nothing to say except that they were terrible. Even Val couldn’t pull off the open blazer with skinny jeans look.

-If Val can’t pull it off then NO ONE CAN!

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score: 7 – But Val gets a 9 for finally adding some syllabus steps in there!

This Weeks Lineup by Dance Critic:

  1. Wanya
  2. Paige
  3. Nyle
  4. Jodie
  5. Ginger
  6. Kim
  7. Von
  8. Marla
  9. Doug
  10. Antonio
  11. Mischa

It’s a shame there was so little latin dancing during latin night. 





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