Week Five: Switch Ups!

The one thing about this show that everybody can agree on is that switch up week is the worst. Even if the switch ups work out well, they still have to go back to their partner the next week so it gets awkward real fast.

Guest Judge: Maks Chmerkovskiy -Actually gave some good critiques but then had to go and refer to himself in the third person. #everybodycomeseehowgoodilook

The opening number song was fun and catchy so I think it fooled a lot of people into thinking it was a fun dance. It really wasn’t. They mostly just did a whole lot of walking around. And I’m pretty sure Lindsay wears this costume every week.

– Not quite sure where the line is drawn between costumes and lingerie. 

This Week’s Lineup:

1. Wanya & Witney -Tango

“Hold Back the River” -James Bay

Before we talk about any dancing, can we just all agree that James Bay does not write great tangos? Yes, he writes beautiful music, but not all great songs should be tangoed to. Also, Wanya’s shirt was hideous. But let’s jut put all that aside. I thought Wanya kept a great frame and he did a phenomenal job with keeping his head and feet sharp. He just had way too much turnout for a standard dance and he took a whole lot of toe leads. He is a lot more natural at the latin dances but I still thought he pulled off this dance well. For how well he was dancing I was surprised there wasn’t a better connection between him and Witney. I feel like she needed to stop back leading him so that they could stay together better.

-Yes, sometimes the pros are imperfect. I’m a little afraid of being shot for saying that though. 

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 7, 8

My Score: 8 –It was a WAY harder routine than anybody else’s this week 

2. Kim & Keo -Viennese Waltz

“These Arms of Mine” -Otis Redding

I felt like Kim and Keo each needed their own score this week. This was a very average number, but that had nothing to do with the way that Kim danced it. I felt like she did such a great job of extending and performing and I loved watching her in this dance. I’m always surprised at how well she does because the video packages make her look so clumsy. Keo just needs some serious choreography help. He hardly used the stage at all and was either reaching or doing very basic steps. He tried to blame it on the height difference but that was BS. If Von can dance with Witney in frame then Keo and Kim sure can.

-If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts then we’d all have a merry Christmas 

Judges Scores: 8, 6, 6, 8

My Score: 7 –She performed well but didn’t do enough to merit an 8 

3. Doug & Peta -Tango

“Black and Gold”

I really am starting to like Doug more and more. Even though he knows that he is on the struggle bus, he is really fighting for it! He improved so much this week. Yes, his feet were a flat footed mess, his head was consistently looking right, and his frame looked like he was holding onto Peta for dear life, but he actually did a real routine this week! So far Karina has only been giving him very simple baby routines, but Peta didn’t hold back. Yes, the contra checks were sloppy, but at least he did them! Peta was obviously whispering in his ear the entire routine but this was easily Doug’s best night by far.

-Don’t believe me that he was holding Peta too tight? Feast your eyes on this gem. #youbelongtomenow #handgoesontheleftshoulderbladebuddy 

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7, 7

My Score: 6 –Doug might actually last a couple more weeks if he stays with Peta. 

4. Ginger & Mark -Salsa

“La Malanga” -Eddie Palmieri

I like Ginger a lot. I also like Mark a lot. I do not like them as partners. Ginger is just too tall for Mark. I feel like I should like this routine because the choreo was good and Mark is ridiculously fun to watch salsa dance. It still didn’t hit the mark. Ginger was a little bit too slow and she was dancing a little bit bow legged. She still performed her heart out but this wasn’t her best dance.

-Does Ginger’s husband seem a little flamboyant to anyone else? 

**You should know that I feel like a terrible person for posting this picture because I was too tall for most of my partners as well…

That being said, does this not look like she is dancing with her kid brother? 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8

My Score: 7 – Mark gets a 10 though. He killed it. 

5. Antonio & Karina -Cha Cha

“Son of a Preacher Man”

Antonio sure didn’t win over any points by being late to practice. He does know that the audience voting for him cares more about the show than football right? This number was bad. Just about everything about this number was bad. I could leave it at that but I think I’ll go through and tell you exactly why it was so bad. 1. Antonio had zero hip action. It’s cha cha, that’s the whole point! 2. They had zero chemistry together. Just because you put two attractive people on stage grinding on each other, doesn’t mean you’ll get any sparks. 3. The costumes were bad. Antonio’s jacket was distracting and Karina’s costume was revealing, but not in a good way. 4. Karina should join Keo in the “Needs help with choreo” club. There wasn’t a lot of actual cha cha, and nothing felt like it was to the music. I felt like they could have turned on any song and it would have fit the music just as well. Poor Doug and Jodie are going to be out soon because of it.

-Are we supposed to be impressed that he can do a flip on the trampoline? 

Judges Scores: 7, 6, 6, 7

My Score: 6 –I’m not sure Sharna was really that sad about the scores seeing as how she admitted on tv that Nyle and Wanya were the frontrunners. See what I mean about switch ups getting awkward fast? 

6. Paige and Sasha -Rumba

“Perfect” -One Direction

Paige looked gorgeous in this number. There wasn’t a whole lot of rumba but it was still a nice routine. Not great, but not bad. She definitely looked better in the non rumba parts rather than the actual rumba sections. I thought the spin trick was pretty cool too. She obviously felt uncomfortable dancing with Sasha and we could all feel it. Smiling at someone does not mean you are in love. It was like watching a date on the bachelorette where you know she is being nice but going to send the guy home after dinner. And then instead of a kiss goodnight they end super awkwardly fumbling over trying to hold each other’s hand.

-Poor Sasha doesn’t even get a key to the fantasy suite. 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 7, 8

My Score: 8 –Paige is losing a bit of steam here

** Am I the only one who thinks it’s awkward when the cast dances to the same song as the celebrities? It’s like saying, “We got the rights to this song and we didn’t think Doug Flutie would do it justice. In your face, Doug and Peta!”

7. Von & Lindsay -Jive

“Hips” -Beans & Fatback

I find Von very fun to watch dance. He’s the kind of guy who would kill at dance parties. Unfortunately, you never really forget he’s a football player when you watch him dance. It’s like the second any music comes on it inhibits all football players’ ability to move their feet quickly. I thought Lindsay created a good routine. I’m normally not a fan of mixing country dancing with anything latin, but she made it work. Von must have been wearing ankle weights because his feet never left the ground.

-I think it’s in Lindsay’s contract that she must never wear any form of skirt or pants.

-Does anybody think the fart jokes are still funny? #dancersarentfunny

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 7, 7

My Score: 7 

**Guest appearance from Tyra Banks. I’m just grateful she didn’t use the words smize or booty tooch once. I get the feeling that she mostly came onto the show because she wants to take credit for Nyle. Does she not get enough attention on her own show?

**Best Moment of the Night: “And was he deaf as well?” Oh Sharna. You know what happens when you assume…

8. Nyle & Sharna

“I Get to Love You” -Ruelle

I can hardly put into words how much I loved this dance. Sharna is easily one of the best pros and she created a really beautiful routine. There was a lot of Viennese Waltz content but they still managed to portray the emotion of the dance. There are still plenty of things to critique about Nyle’s frame and his footwork, but I love it when a dance is good enough that I don’t care as much about those things. They even had pretty awesome rib to rib connection in the closed frame portions!

-Sharna is wasted on Antonio 

Judges Scores: 9, 10, 9, 9 –You had ONE job Maks…

My Score: 10 –Especially compared to anything else this week 

9. Jodie & Val – Paso Doble

“Under Control” -Somebody who obviously wasn’t Calvin Harris

Can we just have Jodie keep Val as her partner? This dance was definitely not perfect but she looked so much better dancing with Val than she ever has dancing with Keo. I really hated the song choice. They were basically dancing the Paso Doble to a terrible cha cha. I thought that Jodie did such a good job of trying to bring the intensity that the paso is known for but the music didn’t match their intensity at all. Jodie tends to dance like she has an iron rod in her spine. She needs to loosen up a lot more so her movement can be bigger but I thought she did a great job and I enjoyed watching her dance as long as it was on mute.

-What is it about that singer’s voice that makes me want to punch someone in the face? 

Judges Scores: 9, 8, 9, 9

My Score: 9 

This Week’s Rankings by Dance Critic:

1. Nyle

2. Jodie

3. Paige

4. Wanya

5. Ginger

6. Von

7. Kim

8. Doug

9. Antonio