Week Six: Famous Dances!

Sometimes we watch famous dances and wonder what it would be like to join them. Most of us think we would look like Wanya but in reality we would all be a bunch of Dougs just trying to stay float.

The opening number was pretty fun and I’m pretty sure it made the record books for “Most Clothes Worn on Female Dancers on this show Ever.” The girls really didn’t do much in this routine because who wants to see girls dance with their clothes on? Also, Val coming out in the sparkly briefs was weird. Are there 12 year old producers back there calling the shots?

#Dancersarenotfunny

-Girl’s are made to booty shake, not dance. 

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This Week’s Lineup:

1. Kim & Sasha – Jive

“You Can’t Stop the Beat” -Hairspray

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“Are you kidding me right now? Please, I’ve had two kids.” I feel like that used to be a comment people would make after like 10 kids. Do we live in a world where having two kids gives you bragging rights? Anyways, drama aside, Kim really kinda killed this number. She did a good job of getting her feet up but she is still a little slow. She doesn’t know how to work her feet through her heels. Also there was like a whole section where they showed only the male troupe dancers and not her. I can only assume that whatever she was doing was not television worthy. I thought it was a fun routine but I am a little surprised that Kim wasn’t in the bottom three this week. I think Sasha is a great choreographer and that’s why she will stick around for a while.

– Can we find some judges who aren’t attention whores? 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8 

2. Von & Witney – Jazz

“Bad” -Michael Jackson

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I’m a little torn about this dance because there were a lot of great moments and a lot of “meh” moments. He always seemed a little less sharp than the troupe dancers but I think that also has to do with the fact that everything takes him longer because he is HUGE! Seriously, he made the troupe dancers look like they were midgets. I think Von did about as good as he could have but I do wish there was less walking around. It also had a very anti climactic ending. And why was Witney lip syncing so much?

-You’re the kind of tall where when you walk through the airport, people stop what they’re eating and look at you. 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8 – 8 is the new 7 peeps. 

3. Jodie & Keo – Contemporary

“Try” – Pink

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I really can’t tell if Jodie is overreacting or if she just keeps getting seriously injured but man, she really knows how to cry out in pain. Stephanie should have been the one falling off the horse instead of Michelle because we would have felt that fall! #fullhousenerd Keo was lucky this week because he really didn’t have to do much choreography. He mostly just took the cool lifts from the music video, which were still kinda cool. Then he threw in his only contemporary section and it was awkward. Typical Keo choreography that’s really choppy and doesn’t highlight his partner at all. I thought Jodie did awesome in this routine. With what she was given, I really felt the emotion from her. I’m not sure why Keo had to jump and break the desk at the end. Yes, it was cool, but then we all had to awkwardly wait for him to just get back up again. #unnecessary

-Go back and watch Keo’s terrible fan kick in the middle of the routine. Trust me, it’s bad and it’s worth watching…multiple times.  

Judges Scores: 9, 8, 8

My Score: 9 –For Jodie, not for Keo… Never for Keo 

4. Paige & Mark -Jazz

-Austin Powers

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Am I the only one who hates Austin Powers themes? Who wants to watch a creepy guy gyrate with a bunch of hippies? I think Mark did as well as he could with the theme but I really just couldn’t love this dance because of it. Paige obviously danced great and showed off more of her background in dance. I have heard her mom owns a dance studio which makes sense why her pique turns and her pirouettes are basically perfect. I think for anybody else, this dance would have been super difficult, but it just seemed too easy for Paige. She didn’t do much and then they ended with that toe touch which was a little lame to me. Didn’t she say she could do a front flip? What happened to that idea?

-Seriously way too much gyrating going on. Either a bold choreographic statement or you have officially run out of ideas. 

Judges Scores: 9, 10, 9

My Score: 9 

5. Nyle & Peta -Quickstep

“Hey Pachuco” -The Mask

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Boy the video package editors were really hating on Nyle this week. It looked like Nyle was a big time overconfident douche this week, but I have a feeling that most of that was editing. Honestly, I thought he did an awesome job with keeping the character of the dance. Yes, he was crazy out of control but I feel like that’s how Jim Carrey would have done it too. The judges didn’t give him any breaks even though he had to do quickstep while all the other people did mostly jazz and whatever else they wanted. And yes, he got off the music, but so did just about everybody else who can actually hear the music. I just really felt like there was a lot of undue hatred towards Nyle this week but maybe that’s because this is the first week they couldn’t see his beautiful face.

-Watching a man get his hopes and dreams dashed while wearing The Mask was a little bit heart wrenching. 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 9

My Score: 8 

6. Ginger & Val -Jazz

“Nasty Boys” -Janet Jackson

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I really thought Ginger nailed it this week. It’s not easy to keep up with a group of all male professional dancers but I thought she kept up with them pretty well. The judges said she didn’t have enough attitude but I didn’t feel that way at all. She was a little awkward in the solo section at the very beginning, but besides that I felt like she was rocking it the whole way through. I did feel like they could have machoed up the troupe dancers a little bit more. The tank tops made it look like they would rather dance with each other than with Janet.

-Who called the hot cops? 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8 

7. Doug & Karina – Bollywood

“Jai Ho” – Slumdog Millionaire

**Worst Costumes of the Night Alert! #budgetcuts?

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Doug Flutie has such a football player’s mentality. You can tell that he looks at dance like a football game. If I do all the right steps on the right counts then I win, right? Unfortunately, dance is also an art form. Doug is like the bagpipe of the musical instrument world. Yes, it technically plays music, but nobody really wants to listen to it. I don’t want to be too harsh on Doug because he really tries so so hard and I find that truly admirable, but there were a whole lot of cringeworthy moments in this routine. I’ve never in my life thought that there was such a thing as football player hands, but after watching that dance it’s really the only way to describe his dancing. He’s isn’t technically doing anything wrong but nothing about it looks right either.

-If you want to know who’s going home then just look at who the judges are particularly nice to. #justanotherwhiteguywhocan’tdance

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score: 7 –7’s are obviously the new 6. I wonder if the troupe dancers felt as silly with the ribbons as it looked. 

8. Wanya & Lindsay -Jazz

“Bye, Bye, Bye” -Nsync

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Can I just say what we’re all thinking? Why can’t I be best friends with Wanya and Joey?! Is there some kind of secret boy band hang out that I need to break into? I really LOVED Wanya in this routine. I thought that he killed it and I could have watched it all day. Except for that pas de deux section in the middle… that part was weird. But you mostly forgot about it by the end so it was okay. I love how much Wanya commits to each dance. This was easily my favorite dance of the night.

-Was it just me or was Lance Bass third wheeling it hardcore?

Judges Scores: 10, 9, 10

My Score: 10 

**Side Bar: Can we just all agree that Sharna needs to own up to what she said and admit that saying that Nyle and Wanya were the frontrunners was a jerk move? Antonio doesn’t get a lot of sympathy from me but he definitely deserved more of an apology than the one she never gave him. –“I’m so sorry you feel that way” is just a nice way of saying, it’s not me, it’s you. 

9. Antonio & Sharna -Jive

“Footloose”

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I thought this was a fun dance and I felt like it was easily one of Antonio’s best. I don’t know how Antonio is at practice but it always seems like he can do more than Sharna gives him. His routines are always just a little too easy for me. He did a great job this week and should have been given more to do. That being said, I enjoyed watching this number and that back flip was actually pretty awesome.

-I would pay big money to watch Antonio reenact the angry warehouse dance scene now.  

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 9 

 

This Week’s Rankings by Dance Critic:

  1. Wanya

  2. Jodie

  3. Paige

  4. Antonio

  5. Kim

  6. Ginger

  7. Von

  8. Nyle

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