Week Seven: Icons Night!

There’s nothing like celebrating famous icons by having amateur singers cover and butcher their songs. Is the budget really so low that they can’t even get the rights to the original songs for one night? My ears are still bleeding from half of those routines.

This week’s opening number was taped for the 360 degree viewing (which was super lame), but the actual routine was pretty awesome! It felt like an actual dance routine and not the usual strip tease that we are used to from the opening numbers. Fun costumes and fun choreography…finally! You’d think they would let the actual professional dancers dance more often.

This Week’s Lineup:

1.Jodie & Keo -Quickstep

“For Once in my Life” -Stevie Wonder


The song is obviously a classic that everybody loves but it was a weird choice for  a quickstep. The rhythm was fine but I missed the powerful drumbeats that usually drive the dance. I felt like Keo gave us a real quickstep routine this week. It was a difficult routine filled with pretty advanced quickstep figures. Jodie struggled to get her heel leads in and her frame was overall pretty good but her shoulders come up a lot. I thought she did a great job with her head line though. I am somewhat of  a purist so I can appreciate a good quickstep routine but I do wish Keo would have made it a little more interesting. Still, probably the best choreo he has done this season…which isn’t saying much. What kind of guy picks a girl flowers and then gives them away to all the other women sitting around him?

-You get a flower, and you get a flower, and you get a flower…and none for Gretchen Weiners. Bye!

Judges Scores: 8, 9, 9

My Score: 8.5 -The routine was harder than an 8 deserves but it just wasn’t 9 quality. 

2. Kim & Sasha – Samba

“ABC” – Jackson 5 (sung by a 12 year old who’s voice was changing)


I’m sorry but any celebrity who gets “pissed off” at the judges critiquing them needs to have a little reality check and get over themselves. If this was a real dance competition then you would be losing to the 8 year olds Kim, so be grateful the judges are giving you 8s. I really think Sasha is a great choreographer and he put just about everything he could into this routine. The black light section was lame but there was a lot of samba content which I respect. The fact that Kim wasn’t wearing heels is infuriating to me. The heels are one of the biggest parts of ballroom dancing! It’s half of the challenge. It is incredibly unfair to judge the contestants against each other when only some are expected to wear heels. Kim hardly had any turnout and had just about zero hip action. Yes, she still did a pretty awesome job at keeping up with some hard choreography, but I feel like the judges ignore a lot of that because she is older. They were super nice to her because she was going home. Wouldn’t it almost be more humane to give them a clue that they were going to be sent home? I think they took a page from Ben Higgins book.

-Here let me list off all the reasons I love you and then when you least expect it… BAM! We love all the other contestants more.

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 8 

3. Nyle & Peta – Foxtrot

“Beautiful Day” – U2


I am a person who is heavily influenced by music. Beautiful Day is a great song, but it doesn’t make you feel like getting up and dancing the foxtrot. It’s the kind of song you listen to while driving down a long road contemplating life. This dance honestly looked like it was dubbed to this song, it was such a poor choice. I really think I would have liked this routine to any other song. It had some beautiful moments and lots of foxtrot content but they had to rush through the timing of everything because of the song. Listening to Nyle complain afterwards about the costumes and rehearsals going bad just made me want to call the wambulence. Costume malfunctions and last minute rehearsal changes are things that dancers have to deal with all the time. Get over it. Nyle really needs to keep his elbows more forward so his posture can be fixed and his bum won’t stick out. Also, why would they put him in that awful pink suit? It’s no wonder Sharna asked if “he” was deaf when referencing his past relationships…

Tobias Fünke: And I am off to buy the perfect present for Maebe. Maybe she’d like a suit like this.
Narrator: That is her suit.
Tobias Fünke: They probably don’t make it in a woman’s.
Narrator: They only make it in a woman’s.

Judges Scores: 10, 9, 9

My Score: 9 –The judges keep forgetting that they wrote down a 9 by the time they get their paddles going and it only happens to Nyle. Most likely because the only paddle you can hold up while looking at his face is a 10. Let’s be real. 

4. Antonio & Sharna – Tango

“Paint it Black” -Obviously not The Rolling Stones


*You’d be shocked at how hard it was to find a picture of this dance that didn’t have an arrow pointing at the exposed Sharna. America’s full of pervs.

I’m not really sure I get the theme of this dance. Were they monks? With home made flashlight light sabers? We spent way too much time just watching them walk up and down the runway. The tango choreo itself was fine, even though Antonio messed up several times and had a big time claw hand going on her back. I usually think Sharna is basically perfection but I thought the hair was way too much. It looked like clown hair and made her look like a cheap hooker. Okay, that was mean but they could have handled the whole nip slip situation a lot smoother. When Tom Bergeron said “I’d give it a 10…”


Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8 –It’s a little ironic for that to happen while wearing one of the most modest costumes she had this season. 

5. Wanya & Lindsay- Foxtrot

“I Say a Little Prayer” -Aretha Franklin


This routine was just adorable. Lindsay choreographed such a fun routine and nobody can be sad while listening to that song. The costumes and the set design were on point, even if the camera crew couldn’t seem to figure out how to film through the bushes. There were times it felt like we were spying on them from the bushes instead of watching them dance. I thought Wanya did a great job of holding up his frame and doing his best to stay connected with Lindsay. He missed a lot of heels leads and had a few awkward arms, but overall I loved this dance.

-The door is open so let me just knock on your face. 

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 9 

6. Ginger & Val – Viennese Waltz

“I Have Nothing” -Whitney Houston


Okay I LOVED this routine! I felt like they finally did the kind of dance that you could see at an American style viennese waltz competition. There was a great balance of content and free flowing movement. Watching the dance a second time definitely pin pointed some imperfections but I am still blown away by how good Ginger looked in this dance. Her frame was pretty rocking and her head lines were beautiful. I love Val’s choreography and the fact that he finished the routine so strong instead of just fading out like they normally do. I just loved this dance and felt like it was true ballroom.

-It is impossible not to feel anything when listening to that song. The world would be a better place if we all took the time to belt out some Whitney in the shower every day.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10 

7. Von & Witney – Salsa

” A Little Less Conversation” -Elvis

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For a guy who has two feet and about 200 lbs. on his partner, Von managed to make the lifts in this routine look very difficult. They really weren’t. This dance wasn’t terrible but it was definitely a let down. I really felt like Witney dropped the ball with the choreo this week. She has had Von start every routine free styling and it’s getting old. She also put in a bunch of silly filler moves that just felt contrived and insincere to me. Von has the largest and flattest feet I have ever seen. He needs to take toe leads and turn out his feet. I still enjoy watching Von dance but this routine didn’t do anything for me.

-The poor troupe dancers whose job it was to take the coat off stage and then stand there the rest of the routine. #Unnecessary 

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 7 –Once again the judges are nice to the guy going home. 

8. Paige & Mark – Jive

“Proud Mary” -Tina Turner

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Now that was a jive routine. Seriously, Mark gave her the hardest jive I have ever seen on this show. I love that he got to throw in so much content because Paige is so good. Paige isn’t perfect, she dances a little bow legged sometimes, but she really nailed a super difficult routine. I love that Mark and Val both seem to be able to choreograph interesting routines while still staying within their given genre. I just hope people can appreciate how hard and fast all those turn sections were.

-A little awkward of Erin to bring up in front of everybody that she gets emotional and thinks people don’t like her…


Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10 

Team Guys- James Brown Medley


I thought this dance was so much fun to watch. There wasn’t a ton of content but the style was awesome and I thought the transitions were pretty smooth. Basically Wanya stole the show and Von struggled to keep up but this looked like a really fun number to dance in. I love that all the other dancers just followed Nyle when he was off the music. It’s moments like that where you can see just how much music can bring people together and inspire you. Not a perfect routine but it was WAY better than the girls tonight. Hats off to you men!

Apparently Sharna couldn’t seem to get her America skirt off in time. Did she miss dress rehearsal this week? 

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 10

My Score: 9 

Team Girls: Beyonce Medley


I don’t know whose idea it was to go from “Until the End of Time” to “If I Were a Boy” but they should be fired. It killed all the energy and momentum that the routine had going. I hate it when you see a costume and it’s so bad that you know it’s going to get ripped off to reveal something else. It just ruins all the fun and surprise of the costume reveal. There were a lot of malfunctions with the skirts and even if they had worked out, I’m not sure it was worth it. There were fun moments in this routine but it was very unimpressive overall. Kim was noticeably struggling throughout the routine and got a little nasty in her beginning solo. I’m not sure if we should blame the girls or the guys for the poor choreography and song choices. Also those costumes weren’t flattering on any of them except Paige.

-I think they left their jelly at home. #Theyweren’treadyforit

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 9

My Score: 8 

This Week’s Rankings by Dance Critic:

  1. Paige

  2. Ginger

  3. Wanya

  4. Nyle

  5. Jodie

  6. Antonio

Can you believe we are already down to six?!



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