Week Ten: Finals Night One and Two!

 

I feel the need to start this post by stating that I am indeed a huge superfan of this show. That being said, I find the final shows to be excessive. Do we really need to dedicate two nights to find out who wins? Most of it is just watching old routines that are never as good the second time around. I love a good montage as much as the next person but most of the clips are from last week. It’s a little hard to get sentimental over the good old days when we still haven’t stopped discussing how bad Erin’s hair was in week 7.

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This Week’s Lineup:

Redemption Dances!

1.Ginger & Val – contemporary?

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Ginger decided to throw a last minute hail Mary and use her sore back to get her some sympathy votes. Unfortunately, everything pales in comparison after watching Lindsay bite through her lip and brush it off like it was nothing so from now on, no celebrity injury will ever look valid. There were a whole lot of different genres in this dance but it sure didn’t have a whole lot of contemporary. I guess this show should just change the name of contemporary to bare foot free for all. It was like watching a dance choreographed by a bipolar ballroom enthusiast. They skipped from one style to the next with no apparent rhyme or reason behind it. Overall, I thought it was okay. I’m not sure what classified it as a redemption dance though. They mostly just took a walk through memory lane. I guess they didn’t want people to think that they needed redemption for anything. Which is either a bold statement or Val misunderstood the assignment…

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Judges Scores: 9, 10, 9

My Score: 9

2. Nyle & Peta – Quickstep

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Now this was a redemption dance. The first quickstep was sloppy and this one seemed a little better from a technical standpoint. It’s too bad it was a really uninteresting dance. Honestly, I would rather watch him slipping around the stage in that Mask costume again. Apparently cowboy costumes can’t be any more interesting than simply wearing denim. I think cowboys everywhere should be offended. Nyle still had a pretty terrible frame and managed to get off timing, but I mean look at him… who cares?

– It’s no wonder that Nyle won ANTM if he can manage to pull of the Denim Dan.

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 8

3. Paige & Mark – Salsa

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After a pretty rocking season, Mark finally was able to make the entire finals night about himself. A real feat when you are partners with a girl who likes to take selfies and look at her butt in the mirror. Mark doesn’t seem to be too concerned with finding any redemption for Paige. He decided to redo her already awesome salsa to do basically the same routine. Still awesome, but not half as interesting. He should have done another waltz or some other standard dance to prove that Paige can do more than spin around quicker than the other celebrities. Tom unsurprisingly makes a cringeworthy nipple joke and an obviously drunk Carrie Ann laughed way too long. Who is in charge of cutting her off?

-Hearing Bruno say that Paige out danced Mark.

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Judges Scores: 10, 9, 10

My Score: 9 -Mostly because I’m tired of seeing Paige do the same dances.

Freestyle!

1. Ginger & Val – Tribute to Fred and Ginger

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I thought this was a cute routine. Nobody will ever beat Fred and Ginger but I like a good tribute all the same. I thought the tap section was a fun idea till it became obvious that neither of them knew how to tap dance. Seriously? Why even put it in then? Ginger did a pretty good job although her hands were just looking a little too excited throughout the routine.

-Val totally stole Ginger’s high five and then left her hanging…#douchejar

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Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 9

5. Nyle & Peta – Contemporary

“The Sound of Silence”

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They can bring in choreographers?! Why don’t they do that all the time? Seriously, the dancing on this show would be 100% better if the pros could get some help every once in a while and Jodie might have stood a chance this season if they opted out for good choreographers. I’m not saying that the pros aren’t doing a great job, it’s just hard for any person to be an expert in all genres of dance so I’m glad that Peta was humble enough to admit that she wasn’t a contemporary expert. It makes me respect her so much more. I really loved this routine. It wasn’t that difficult, but something about it was just so much more real than most of the dances this season. The choreography was strong and different and it was just great to watch. Honestly, I think this dance itself won Nyle the mirror ball.

-Seriously, why is Paige always alone in the red room?! Does she not get enough attention in her own interviews?

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Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

6. Paige & Mark – Contemporary

“Somewhere Over the Rainbow”

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Of course Mark’s fiance is highlighted as the singer of their freestyle. Because once again, this final is most obviously about him. This dance wasn’t terrible until they got to that weird lift in the middle. It looked like they were trying to go for something cool but then just got stuck with her feet awkwardly up in the air till he decided to put her back down. I also feel like Mark just gave up and didn’t choreograph an ending. They just kinda rolled around on the floor for a couple seconds then cuddled. I think it was meant to be cute but it definitely missed the mark. Also, I just need to say that the man bun on Mark is just awful. Some men can pull it off but he is not one of them. Seeing all that stringy hair from the top of his head slicked all the way back to his neck was just mildly disturbing.

-Having to rush through the judges was the best part of the night.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

Part Two! Stay Tuned!

I’m mostly going just buzz through night two because I’m sure the only thing worse than re watching old dances is re reading about them.

Let’s just start off Part Two by shamelessly judging Erin’s wardrobe. The see through dress is just bad. It was a bad idea from the start. Whoever decided that the best feature to highlight on a woman was her upper thigh was was obviously designing for Beyonce. And I’m not sure even Queen Bey could have pulled it off.

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*Spoiler alert: None of the repeat dances were as good the second time.

The first time you watch a dance you are always watching the big picture. You get to see how the music and the movement come together and it hopefully takes you on some kind of emotional journey. The second time around all you see is a whole lot of sickled feet and sloppy arms.

-Watching Val and Maks was pretty sweet until Maks couldn’t make it over his partner’s head…#embarassingmuch

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Next we had to watch a pretty awkward engagement and wedding dance between Witney and Sasha. I’m all about telling a love story through dance and I don’t care that either of them weren’t dancing with their significant other, but getting down on one knee and then raising the veil was just a little too on the nose.

-I seem to be the only person who is sufficiently creeped out every time I see Pitbull, which is shocking to me. I’ll admit that he writes some catchy tunes but he is basically the Voldemort of the music industry. Apparently the only two requirements to be a Pitbull backup dancer is to be well endowed and to be able to hold this pose. 

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-I still have a hard time believing that this is the ONLY costume that Lindsay looks good in. 

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I kind of loved the summer themed cast dance. Mostly because we didn’t have to watch the celebrities dance that much, but the number was just fun. I’m a little disappointed that they brought back the crab though. #dancersarentfunny

Fusion Dances!

1. Ginger & Val – Argentine Tango and Foxtrot fusion

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I just feel the need to start by saying that the 24 hour fusion dance challenge is just stupid. I’m not one to just throw the “S” word around at people but whoever thought that was a good idea is one big stupid head. It makes no sense to create some sort of fusion dance and then give the choreographers almost no time to prepare it. In order to create a bridge between two different cultures of dance you need serious amounts of thought and creativity. The results of the 24 hour fusion challenge are cookie cutter ballroom routines that have zero coherency and make absolutely no sense. Nothing proves my point better than this first dance. Ginger had to keep that huge smile plastered on her face the whole time because she obviously had no idea what she was supposed to be portraying. I don’t even care that she messed up but pumping up the audience in the middle of a tango is just awkward.

-I’m really annoyed that the camera men always pull away the second a celebrity makes any kind of mistake. I could have been a world 10 dance champion if only the judges looked away every time I flubbed up in competition. 

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 8 

2. Nyle & Peta – Cha Cha and Tango fusion

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I kind of like that Peta separated the dances as much as she could. It was clarifying to see the switch between the two styles. With that said, I am ready for the season to be over so that I will not have to watch Nyle do another new yorker with turned in feet.

-Seriously, why do the producers like to end the show on such a low note? 

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 9 

3. Paige & Mark – Salsa & Jive fusion

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This routine was easily the best of the fusion dances, but that’s not saying much. It was mostly just a smorgasbord of previous dance moves, but you can’t really blame them for that with only 24 hours notice. Mostly I was just still distracted by Paige’s shoulders. I’m seriously shocked that they weren’t mentioned, but I guess when it’s finals night any critiques feel a bit wasted.

-Why is there so much weird tension between Mark and Paige? I know they are besties now, so why does it feel like I’m watching an awkward doorstep scene every time they talk to each other? 

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10 

Well folks, this season has come and gone and I hate to say it but this season wasn’t my fav. Out of the top three I felt like they all basically had the same chances at the mirror ball but I’m not sure any of them actually deserved it. Ginger had some great great moments but she really fell short these last couple weeks. Paige was obviously the best dancer but she just never managed to be very likable in my opinion. Nyle was easily a crowd pleaser but he never even managed a decent basic frame position. I will say that Nyle definitely had the highest score in my book just for that freestyle contemporary number, so I guess it’s all good in the hood. I guess you can get by on good looks.

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Thanks for reading! See you next season!

 

 

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