Week Eight: You be the Judge!

 

It’s week eight and YOU get to be the judge!! Wait…Doesn’t the audience get to judge every week with the votes? It seems redundant to have the audience add to part of the score, but I guess it probably made a whole lot of people who scored the dances a 9 pretty proud of themselves.

 

Let’s get straight to it. That opening number was just too much. As a dancer, you spend a lot of your time explaining to people that being a dancer does not make you an “exotic dancer.”  This dance just set all professional dancers back for ages. Did you really train your whole lives to throw on a skimpy costume and booty shake next to a light up pole?

-Thank you for paying for all those years of dance mom. Now watch what I learned! 

-If I were Emma Slater or Lindsay’s husband, I would have serious questions about the end of that opening number. 

This Week’s Lineup:

1.Nyle & Peta -Paso Doble

“Victorious” -Panic at the Disco

I wish they would have explained the story behind this dance a little bit. Are they breaking out of some kind of chain link fence prison? I’m all for cool set designs but you have to at least make sense out of them. Also, the fact that Peta managed to pull off that weird braid forehead flower is a testament to how truly flawless her face is. It’s coming down to the end so the judges feel very limited to what they can say. They all decided to talk about the silent section of the dance because the rest of the critiques would have been too negative. Nyle’s dancing was way too stiff for the Paso. There was no fluidity so his shaping was nonexistent. He rushed through all of his steps so he was in an almost constant state of unbalance. Yes, he is still beautiful and yes, he has improved since the show began, but this really wasn’t a great Paso. The fact that it got even one 10 was a shock to me. Also, was that silent section really that hard? It was like one measure long and they made it sound like it was this great olympic hurdle.

-I think the troupe dancers need this more than I do. 

 

Judges Scores: 10, 9, 10 

My Score: 8

**Tom Burgeron quoted saying “With any luck they’ll hear us” when talking about how Nyle and Peta were safe. Is it okay to make deaf jokes now? #Douchejar

2. Antonio & Sharna -Viennese Waltz

“Love on the Brain” -Rihanna

This was probably Antonio’s best dance yet. It still wasn’t great but he seemed to actually know the dance. I’m not sure if it’s just the height different or what but he has to learn how to take bigger strides. He takes these tiny steps that make him look like a baby penguin shuffling around out there. Sharna is always perfection but I feel like she needs to choreograph a little better to suit her partners. She tends to fill in all the gaps with lots of highlights of herself while her partner stands there. I mean I don’t blame her, if I could dance like that I just probably wouldn’t even bother with a partner.

– Antonio’s sucking up seemed to do the trick this week. He definitely made sure the cameras were there to see him at practice early. #HESCHANGED

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 9 

3. Jodie & Keo -Jive

“Must be Love” -Christina Aguilera

Points to Jodi for not admitting on tv that Keo was dragging her down, even if it is the truth. We all had to sit and listen to the saddest song on Earth while Keo read some Facebook article. Get over it Keo, at least you finally choreographed a dance that didn’t make us want to fall asleep! Just in time to be sent home. But hey, better late than never. They finally let the singer get in some screen time but decided to put her in a hideous robe. I’m sure she was equal parts thrilled and embarrassed. This dance had a lot of fun choreo and it was only made better by Jodie’s dancing.  I thought she did a fabulous job even though she didn’t wear heels. Her recoil action was awesome and I thought her performance level was finally on point. She looked adorable in her costume and I think it was a great number for them to leave on. Are we that shocked that she is leaving? No. But Antonio or Nyle should have left first based on technique alone.

-I’m mostly sad that we won’t get to see shots of Candace Cameron in the audience anymore.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10 

My Score: 10 

4. Paige & Mark -Waltz

“Stone Cold” -Demi Lovato

I’m not sure if it was part of the choreo to dance as choppy as Paige did, but I highly doubt it. What Len said about her frame was exactly right, her left shoulder was coming forward the whole dance. She had no rise and fall so all the fluidity of the waltz was gone. She missed a lot of heel leads and honestly just didn’t impress me in this dance. Loved the costumes and the concept, but Mark should have spent more time on teaching her some basic waltz technique. Paige says she feels so comfortable with Mark, but then slips into a British accent when forced to stare at him straight in the eyes. Nice try Paige, but we all know what that means.

#ImonlyBritishwhenImuncomfortable

-Since when does not liking makeup make you a boy? I think I can speak for all the women in the world when I say that putting on makeup is not what makes you a girl. 

Judges Scores: 10, 9, 9

My Score: 9

Side Bar**- I wish that instead of booing all of Len’s comments, the audience would just shake their heads disgustedly like an episode of the Bachelor tell all and let him finish crushing hearts. #WeGETit

5. Ginger & Val -Argentine Tango

There is something about this routine that I just loved. The staging was awesome, the costuming was great, and the music was captivating. I didn’t think it was overdone at all and they just let us enjoy the routine without too much extra fluff. There are always moments where we remember that Ginger is the celebrity but there were many times in this dance that I felt she did things at a professional level. The lifts they did weren’t easy and she held her positions so well in all of them. Ginger is just an extremely likable person who doesn’t seem full of herself even though she has every reason to be. Len’s comments obviously made her highly uncomfortable, just like the rest of us. Can we just go one week without Bruno sexually harassing someone?

– Will I really look sexier by scrunching up my eyebrows? I should stand around facing the sun more often. 

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10 

6. Wanya & Lindsay -Jive

“Can You Do This” – Aloe Blacc

This dance had a lot of potential to be awesome. It’s amazing that one little bandana could cause so much trouble. The judges tried to pretend like it wasn’t all Lindsay’s fault but let’s be real…it totally was. If Wanya hadn’t slipped then he would have gone through the rest of the dance and done just fine. The judges would have forgiven his few mistakes because overall the dance would have been great. Instead, the judges tried to make Lindsay feel better by critiquing all the little things Wanya did wrong before the bandana. Either way, it’s all the bandana’s fault. Lindsay shouldn’t feel too bad, it’s all a hazard of the trade and Wanya should have picked it back up faster…but it’s still her fault.

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 9

My Score: 9 -Give the guy a break! 

7. Team Bruno: Nyle & Jodie – Argentine Tango

“La Habanera”

Okay I’m just going to say it, watching Keo lift Nyle was easily the most awkward moment of the season. Yes, I appreciate what they were trying to do, but that was just so weird. Could they not think of a more manly lift at least? Here let me split my legs while you daintily spin me around. Weird. The only thing more uncomfortable than watching that lift was watching Bruno sexually harass his “dream team” while trying to teach the Argentine tango. This dance started off really strong with some good old stripper moves and then just took some bad turns. By the time Nyle and Jodie were left to dance with each other, we were all painfully reminded that neither of them are professional dancers. It was like watching two people dance separately then spliced together later in editing. None of the judges were brave enough to give their fellow judge anything less than a 10 this week, but boy, they lost some credibility this time.

-What they were going for with that lift:

-What they actually accomplished:

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 9 

My Score: 8

8. Team Len: Ginger & Wanya – Samba

“Jump in the Line”

This dance was pretty generic but pretty fun. I was disappointed with Ginger in this dance because she never had any hip action in any of the samba sections. Wanya did an awesome job and was working it but the choreography that they had them do together was just slow and boring. Having Len come out and dance at the end was lame and provided an anticlimactic ending to a very average routine.

-Len was off the beat at the end but I was more offended at having to watch him dance barefoot. 

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 9

My Score: 8

9. Team Carrie Ann: Paige & Antonio – Paso Doble

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

Have we all decided that dancers aren’t athletes? I thought the point of the show was to prove to everybody just how hard dancing professionally actually is. Paige keeps saying they’ve never had two athletes dance together on the show. Isn’t that what the professionals do every week? I want to like her but everything that comes out of her mouth is offensive to me. Everybody and their dog has a dance choreographed to this song but I thought this routine was actually pretty good. There wasn’t a ton of paso doble in it and they weren’t wearing heels but I thought they all danced strong and they danced well together. It was a smart move having Antonio just throw Page around for their solo section but I do wish we could have actually seen them dance together. The best judges routine of the night by far.

– Chalk on the hands and then ending in the water? Looks like Carrie Ann stole all the cliche dance tricks from Step up 3.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 9

My Score: 9

This Week’s Rankings by Dance Critic:

1. Ginger

2. Paige

3. Wanya

4. Antonio

5. Nyle